good atlas

If there is a certain dread in doing– in being– I think it is the call of the universe that you perhaps do two things. First, rest. Once you’re well rested, ask two questions to yourself.

💡 Why do I do the things I do?
💡 What do I actually want to be doing?

I have been asking myself this question a lot this year (sometimes with rest, sometimes without, which usually isn’t a good idea). This questioning usually happens when I am pushed to the brink of immobility that is the force of dread and my body tells me to stop whatever I am doing, take a step back and re-evaluate.

A few antidotes and actions include:

1. Sleep
2. Go for a walk or a hike.
3. Read Mary Oliver and James Baldwin
4. Take a vacation
   Or a day trip. My memorable moments include taking a drive to a café in Janda Baik with my partner to muck about, or talk about life and our goals. And a drive to KKB to sit by a river with a friend whiling hours away. Longer getaways can lead to deeper insights. Some memories include epiphanies in Kikilalat Ipoh, in Ome Spacebar Penang, in a tent in Bentong.
5. Rally your friends. Talk to people who share the same values as you
   There is a point here. Why not talk to people with different perspectives? It depends on the purpose and where you are in your point of searching. I’ve learned overtime that if I already know who I am and what I stand for, there’s no need to question and rebut the truth of my own ambition. You just have to own and trust that, gather some friends and rant about the same things.
6. Zoom out and reorient
   This year, I charted a career plan with my partner and a friend. Together, we talked about what we wanted from life, sent each other motivational quotes or songs, offered thoughts and insights amongst ourselves. I highly recommend this journey.
7. Read books and do lots of research to ground your aspirations.
8. Take slow and actionable steps towards doing what you actually want.
   Things I’m currently doing: Reading up on Web3 and Blockchain, taking countless trips to Ipoh, making and perfecting waffles.

Rinse repeat.

All these eight steps evolved over a course of a year and a half and I’m still in the process.

### Honest Questions Require Time

Difficult questions require more than minutes. More often than not, it requires a lifetime of the same arduous but gentle questioning. And the answers go through steps and series of refinements, met with moments of clarity then doubt then clarity again.

I am telling myself this because I often get impatient and demotivated. I often say I don’t have enough time (which is half true).

Bak kata pepatah: Sikit sikit lama lama jadi bukit.

### Honest Questions Require Honest Answers

Not the right ones.

We cannot be sure what the effect of our actions will be. But we can cultivate a soft heart, an openness and observational awareness which will guide us toward making the right trade-offs.

Trade-offs. Which is often not the ideal of totality we are looking for. We look for ourselves in the total: In the unmarred but pixelated images of others, in a whole collective conscience of a society that will extol the good successful man or woman (different standards), in the imagined yet unattainable therefore perfect image of the future.

I think we miss the point often. We dismiss authenticity as if it’s a silly utopian dream meant for children or hipsters, while we pin ourselves to standards of this fictive, perfect, archetype.

So I’ll say to myself again and again: Trust your wisdom. Uphold your fragment authenticity. Go where the blood beats!

💡 What is the question to which you are the universe’s answer?
💡 How can you respond most honestly, accurately, and lovingly?

Questions to think about in the process.

And live by it the best you can.